After what seems like the longest two weeks in my life, I can finally breathe again. These past two weeks have been the worst ones for my mental health and sanity – a mixture of anxiety, loneliness, and yearning, all packed up nicely in a small box and placed inside my chest. Yesterday was the worse day thought, I was so caught up in my dark cloud that even breathing was a struggle. I did manage to leave the bed long enough to eat a ration and hit the clean pod, but such simple tasks drained me from all my energy and I had no choice but to head to bed again. In the evening I was chatting to Le Sueur which did help lift my mood. A few days ago, when things were turning from bad to worse, I did a self-pity post on the social feed and I was surprised by the calls I received – I guess we have had too many loses recently in the scene, so people are on high alert. It does give me some comfort that if I do one day end up using contraband for a certain result – someone may find me after all.
Anyway, enough sorrow talk. This morning was finally different – the sun rays broke my sleep earlier than I wanted, but the feeling of warmth on my face was something I have not felt in months, and after a 14hr sleep, I knew I needed to leave the sleeping pod. Looking outside the window, I could see a thin layer of ice on The Tree , so I knew the sun was only an illusion – the weather outside was bitter and icy. Even then, I still went ahead and got dressed – my limbs needed the exercise and I needed fresh air in my lungs.
I did the usual maintenance routine that most people who work at plants do on Sundays; cleaning, putting things from one pile to another pile, albeit a hidden pile this time, and buying rations. I did all of that and I even managed to make a nice ration from scratch. I then took the speeder to the nearest outlet for some ingredients for the week and then decided to stop by a near by shop that sells bikes – yes, the old school ones that require all your will power and balance, two things I simply do not possess. Who knew these silly little ancient things could cost so much? Anyways, I saw a few ones that I liked and hinted to my life partner that I would like one and maybe finally learn how to ride them. I know you can’t believe how I don’t know how to ride of one those things – well blame my parents, they were quitters in everything in life.
My bod-mod is coming along nicely. I am still very aware that I have a ridiculously long piece of metal in my mouth but I can eat now almost normally. I am healing a lot slower than most people, as by this time most people have no swollen tongues, but this is me so of course is not simple. I am meant to visit the doc this coming Friday to change the bar but doubt I’ll be healed up on time. If anything, this exercise is showing me patience, another quality I do not possess.
Thinking about the bike and this year in general, there are a few things I need to conquer – one is to finally learn to ride an actual bike; I’ve tried in the past but always failed when I am only seeing small progress. This time I have an incentive – the bike would allow me to move around The Belt without the need of my life companion taking me everywhere. Second on the list is to also go behind the speeder for once and for all – I have the license, just not the experience, and The Belt is the perfect place to practice – most mornings I am the only soul alive. And then, well, then I have to deal with the big stuff but that can wait. Procrastinating – now that is one thing I am very good at.
Cyber Noir 2020 