Four walls. It doesn’t matter if you live in the Citadel or in the Belt, you are always bound to four walls. ‘Move to the belt‘ they said. ‘The extra oxygen will regenerate you‘- they claimed in between gulps of rare champagne and inhales of illegally imported cigars.
I should have known better. Decisions made under the influence of contraband never leads to anything good. I will, however, admit to a few things: the Belt is spacious, I no longer have a layer of smoke exhaust on my face every time a High Capacity Speeder crosses my path, and I even have my own tree. A real one. It even bears fruit every now and then. But even with all of this, I am still bound by these four walls. My local transit unit is not only miles away from my hab, but is also unreliable which means my only connection to the Citadel is through my comms unit, and I doubt is doing me any good; seeing my crew move on so easily makes me wonder if I ever mattered.
That is the thing about living in big metropolis like the Citadel; you wake up, drink caf and eat your pre-rendered rations, risk your life by traveling to the office via a solo speeder that has seen better days, stare at an empty screen for 12 hours, then go home and pass out before you can even catch a breath. And repeat. For 30 years if you are lucky, or until your lungs give up. And we call this life! We call this fun! When did life become such a pointless race? Are we just slaves to the system? And more importantly, do we even care?
Enough pity talk anyways, I am only 72hrs into the new decade and I am already feeling angry and sorry for myself. Shame on me really. I am luckier than most; I have a bigger hab than most people (albeit, I am a ‘Belter’ now), I have a life partner, and did I mention I have a real tree? Life can be worse in so many ways. And yet, I still have this horrible hollow feeling inside me that tugs at my chest during the middle of the night, leaving me breathless and confused. There must be something more out there for me. This cannot be it, surely?
Well, I think is time for another cup of caf and to actually do some work, or else this day will never end.
Cyber Noir 2020 